Help! Help! I'm Being Repressed!
I seriously feel like i’m going fucking psychotic

My brain keeps fucking talking. i don’t know what it’s saying or thinking but it keeps going and giving me headaches. I can feel every single thing inside of my body moving. And it makes me want to just fucking scream and turn myself inside out. I’m just always feeling incredibly angry and i don’t know why. There are literally ants crawling on me that have been in my room and i don’t fucking know where they’re coming from! I feel like everything is so much more complicated than it needs to be and i can’t fucking live here. I don’t understand anything but i feel like i understand so much more than all the stupid fucking people on this planet. why is anything the way it is and why are we so fucking powerless to change it? why do i have to go through high school when my brain is obviously not at that stupid fucking level and i’m not the maturity of the kids around me. Why should i sit in a classroom learning shit that i’m not going to use or find necessary. I already know what i want to do with my life but i can’t do any of it. All because of my age. What is an age and why does it matter? I DON’T KNOW! they really are just numbers. It doesn’t matter how old you are, it’s how old your soul is. I don’t feel like a normal functioning human being and i’m tired of taking the fucking medication that my doctor gives me because i’m “bipolar” I’m drugging myself to stop me from being who i am, it’s not how i was naturally meant to be, it’s how others think i’m meant to be. and what i want to be is who i am. but not who i am now. Who i should naturally be. and i should be able to learn what i want in order to do what i want in my life to be successful. But i’m stuck in a school surrounded by people who do not fucking comprehend anything about the universe and how much shit effects literally every single thing we come into contact with. I should be off helping people in other countries or in college getting the fucking education i need to become a therapist to help the kids who do need help who feel hopeless. kind of like how i feel right now. I’m blabbering on here because i don’t know who else to talk to because i think my parents think i’m literally going crazy. I need to stop poisoning my body with drugs to control my emotions, i need to get out of fucking high school and move onto the stuff that will actually shape who i am in the future. The point of high school is to learn things to help you find out who you are and who you want to become. But it’s mostly just a system made to keep you busy and under control before you reach an age at which you are considered an “adult”. Even though not all 18 year olds are adults. I know 5 year olds that can comprehend more than them. We’re all repeating pages of a book that’s been written and read a thousand times over because we don’t know how else to do things. Your body and your brain knows better than anybody else and anything else when you’re ready to do something, to REALLY do something. But that doesn’t matter unless the world around you will allow it. And honestly, that’s not going to happen because the world WON’T make it happen. There is no such thing as freedom. We’re only as free as we want to be. But we can only get so far without realizing that no matter what, we’re fucking sheep. We’re just herded whichever way someone wants us to go. Ultimately, life isn’t up to us. Only about 45% is. We’re living in a world where ego power and money means everything. And the only way to get out of the control of the people who do have that, is to become one, and to become one, you must give up on everything you believe and become the one thing that you just wanted to get away from. We’re all doomed in this fucking planet. I really wish that there was an uninhabited island i could just live on. Because that’s what would make me happy. And i’d like to live my life happy. But that’s not in our control. Things happen that you don’t want to happen, and because we’re humans, we sit back and take it because we bow down to whatever seems bigger than us. When in reality the only thing bigger than us is death. It’s the only thing that should have control over us. Because it’s the only thing that says you are no more and you willl never be again. And even when we die, time keeps going. and it will continue to do this even when there’s no planet around, why? because time stops for nothing and nobody. It doesn’t matter if there’s nothing for time to exist for. It keeps going. Time last forever. But the time that you have is limited. But we don’t get to choose what to do with that time. The only thing you should hope to do is make a difference. know that when you die, there’s going to be something that you helped with. Not become a fucking superstar. but helped with actual human beings, at least attempted to make the world a better place for the people after us until this planet blows up. Life has been controlled by the power of greedy disgusting humans who want control. Control of the earth, the animals, and when they gained control of that, they turned to their own people. Pretty soon the hopeful were outnumbered and backed down. The “fighters” are now sitting here on tumblr ranting about how they want things to change, when in reality, what can their little being do? We’re nothing but flesh and the only thing keeping us alive in a soft squishy brain that can be splattered on a wall within 2 seconds with a little metal bullet. So i have to sit back in my room and listen to head rant about how i should make a difference but everything around will not help. You can’t do things by yourself. So the thing i’d love to do is shut my brain up forever. But that would be selfish and i would accomplish nothing by doing that but hurting my family. SO my life is fucked. i’m fucked until i die. Which could happen any day at any time at any moment. We have control over nothing. Our aspirations are just little twinkling stars in the back of our head, but there are over a googleplex of stars out there which is a googleplex of aspirations, and only so many can be achieved when you’re relying on everything around you. I’d love to just skip school and go to college. but that’s not how it works. We can’t really do what we want.. we do what we don’t want in order to make other people happy in order to get what we want. and even then, we’re still just slaves to everything. Slaves to our cars, our phones, are computers, our clothes. Slaves to the paper that we cut down a tree for, paper that can be burned and ruined just as easily as we can. Even though, paper has no heart nor wit. Yet it still runs our lives, and it will forever. Because We’re cowards, and we can’t face change, and we can’t stand up to make it. Right now all i want is some weed, my boyfriend, my best friend, my art, and a certificate saying “We realize that you are not what your age is telling us you are, feel free to do something that’s actually productive with your life.” But that’s just a thought, and thought isn’t even visible, and people don’t really believe in things they can’t physically see. So what are my chances of happiness. 0%. I’m just going to get off of here now and drown in my brain. Thank you and goodnight.